Post by Gomer Sting on Apr 22, 2010 21:18:45 GMT -5
Source:
loz.l33th4x0r.de/a-most-awesome-quest-level-5-t13.html
Reward: 8000 Zorkmids
First step is to head to Port Foozle to get the first clue.
[Obscure] Spoiler: Clue #1
Port Foozle: the main seaport of the Frigid River Valley, and a well-known wretched hive of scum and villainy. You’ve visited it before, of course. In your travelling salesman days some of your best sales were made in towns like this one. After all, who easier to sell novelty rusty razors to than a drunken sailor? Even if you never could figure out what he did with them...
You turn down the main street, sidestepping someone arguing with a parrot salesmen, and walk right into a brightly coloured shirt.
"Woah, dude, double you tee eff man? You’re totally ruining my vibe here!"
On closer examination, the shirt seems to be attached to a bearded, dishevelled man with a peg leg and eyes that don’t appear to be focused on anything in this dimension.
"I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-" you begin.
"Of course you didn’t mean to, man! No one MEANS to get in the way of someone on a spiritual quest to find enlightenment and the best barrel waves ever, dude! Just waves, like, you pull in and you just get spit right out of them, and you just drop in and you smack the lip and it’s all like WHOOPAH, and after that you ride the barrel and get pitted, you get so pitted dude..."
After taking a few seconds to register what was said, you puff up with excitement.
"Oh, you’re on a quest? What a coincidence! I’m an adventurer, maybe I can help you?"
"Oh, little dude, if only you could, but I think this is a little too much for a pint-sized sword swinger like you. I mean, I bet you’re like totally rad at fighting Kobolds and dragons and debt-collectors, but to do this, you’d have to be like hot-dogging it like WOAH!"
"I... think I can hot-dog it like woah... maybe"?
He stares at the space you’re standing in for an uncomfortably long time, as his eyes struggle to focus on you.
"Oh wow dude! Really? And I was so sure you were just some little dweeb, but maybe... DUDE!!! What if, like, you stepping in front of me wasn’t just you being a dork? What if it was, like, meant to be? What if you stepped in front of my karmic wheel and now you and I are, like, intertwined or something?"
"Eh, sure, why not?" you mumble, trying not to think too hard about being "intertwined" with someone who smells as strongly of seaweed as this guy does.
"How off the scale is this, dude?! We should, like, get matching tattoos or something..."
"So, what exactly is it that you want me to do? Have I got to kill a demon that’s terrifying an innocent village?"
"Pfft, no dude, nothing like that"
"Maybe you want me to go and find the legendary Coconut of Quendor?"
"The what of what?"
"Have I got to sneak into a heavily guarded volcano fortress and destroy the one ring that rules-"
"Dude, no! It’s not some geeky little adventure story! This is something important..."
He leans in close so you can smell the surf-board wax on his breath.
"I’m looking for the shirt of AWESOME!!!"
You jump back.
"Did you really have to yell ‘awesome’ like that?"
"Oh yeah, dude, you, like, have to yell the awesome part of the Shirt of AWESOME!!! Otherwise how would all the other kooks know how awesome it is?"
"Eh..."
"Exactly dude! Exactly..."
"So why do you want this Shirt of Awes- eh, Shirt of AWESOME!!!"
"Dude!!! Haven’t you heard of the shirt of awesome? It’s the greatest surfing-related magical item ever to be invented! It was made by the mighty wizard Dude Hobbleguzz, who’s like, so famous that even fish know who he is. He enchanted his board so that when it went on land, it like, shrank and grew wheels so he could surf where ever he wanted!"
You try to imagine someone riding a small surfboard with wheels through a city, possibly while wearing pants that are too tight or a selection of backwards hats, but your mind cannot picture something quite so strange.
"So, does this shirt help you surf or what?"
"Dude, this shirt doesn’t help you surf, it makes you part of your board. It lets you be at one with the ocean, so you can nail every swell and ride every tube! Plus it’s the best way to get all the beach bunnies, and since I had my mondo wipe-out and lost my leg to a sea monster, I haven’t been able to shred and impress them like I used to..."
"Okay, that sounds great! So where do you think this shirt is?"
"Well dude, I don’t know, that’s the problem. They tell me that Hobbleguzz died with it on, while catching some gnarlatious heavies off of the White Cliffs, so maybe you could, like, start looking there?"
He babbles on for a few minutes more about how radical the rips used to be back in the day when he could still surf before you get bored and sneak away. Okay, so "find me a shirt" isn’t quite the kind of quest you imagined you’d be doing when you started out as an adventurer, but hey, at least it’s a quest, right? You’d better get over to the White Cliffs and get started!
[Obscure] Spoiler: Solution of clue #1
Go to the White Cliffs
loz.l33th4x0r.de/a-most-awesome-quest-level-5-t13.html
Reward: 8000 Zorkmids
First step is to head to Port Foozle to get the first clue.
[Obscure] Spoiler: Clue #1
Port Foozle: the main seaport of the Frigid River Valley, and a well-known wretched hive of scum and villainy. You’ve visited it before, of course. In your travelling salesman days some of your best sales were made in towns like this one. After all, who easier to sell novelty rusty razors to than a drunken sailor? Even if you never could figure out what he did with them...
You turn down the main street, sidestepping someone arguing with a parrot salesmen, and walk right into a brightly coloured shirt.
"Woah, dude, double you tee eff man? You’re totally ruining my vibe here!"
On closer examination, the shirt seems to be attached to a bearded, dishevelled man with a peg leg and eyes that don’t appear to be focused on anything in this dimension.
"I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-" you begin.
"Of course you didn’t mean to, man! No one MEANS to get in the way of someone on a spiritual quest to find enlightenment and the best barrel waves ever, dude! Just waves, like, you pull in and you just get spit right out of them, and you just drop in and you smack the lip and it’s all like WHOOPAH, and after that you ride the barrel and get pitted, you get so pitted dude..."
After taking a few seconds to register what was said, you puff up with excitement.
"Oh, you’re on a quest? What a coincidence! I’m an adventurer, maybe I can help you?"
"Oh, little dude, if only you could, but I think this is a little too much for a pint-sized sword swinger like you. I mean, I bet you’re like totally rad at fighting Kobolds and dragons and debt-collectors, but to do this, you’d have to be like hot-dogging it like WOAH!"
"I... think I can hot-dog it like woah... maybe"?
He stares at the space you’re standing in for an uncomfortably long time, as his eyes struggle to focus on you.
"Oh wow dude! Really? And I was so sure you were just some little dweeb, but maybe... DUDE!!! What if, like, you stepping in front of me wasn’t just you being a dork? What if it was, like, meant to be? What if you stepped in front of my karmic wheel and now you and I are, like, intertwined or something?"
"Eh, sure, why not?" you mumble, trying not to think too hard about being "intertwined" with someone who smells as strongly of seaweed as this guy does.
"How off the scale is this, dude?! We should, like, get matching tattoos or something..."
"So, what exactly is it that you want me to do? Have I got to kill a demon that’s terrifying an innocent village?"
"Pfft, no dude, nothing like that"
"Maybe you want me to go and find the legendary Coconut of Quendor?"
"The what of what?"
"Have I got to sneak into a heavily guarded volcano fortress and destroy the one ring that rules-"
"Dude, no! It’s not some geeky little adventure story! This is something important..."
He leans in close so you can smell the surf-board wax on his breath.
"I’m looking for the shirt of AWESOME!!!"
You jump back.
"Did you really have to yell ‘awesome’ like that?"
"Oh yeah, dude, you, like, have to yell the awesome part of the Shirt of AWESOME!!! Otherwise how would all the other kooks know how awesome it is?"
"Eh..."
"Exactly dude! Exactly..."
"So why do you want this Shirt of Awes- eh, Shirt of AWESOME!!!"
"Dude!!! Haven’t you heard of the shirt of awesome? It’s the greatest surfing-related magical item ever to be invented! It was made by the mighty wizard Dude Hobbleguzz, who’s like, so famous that even fish know who he is. He enchanted his board so that when it went on land, it like, shrank and grew wheels so he could surf where ever he wanted!"
You try to imagine someone riding a small surfboard with wheels through a city, possibly while wearing pants that are too tight or a selection of backwards hats, but your mind cannot picture something quite so strange.
"So, does this shirt help you surf or what?"
"Dude, this shirt doesn’t help you surf, it makes you part of your board. It lets you be at one with the ocean, so you can nail every swell and ride every tube! Plus it’s the best way to get all the beach bunnies, and since I had my mondo wipe-out and lost my leg to a sea monster, I haven’t been able to shred and impress them like I used to..."
"Okay, that sounds great! So where do you think this shirt is?"
"Well dude, I don’t know, that’s the problem. They tell me that Hobbleguzz died with it on, while catching some gnarlatious heavies off of the White Cliffs, so maybe you could, like, start looking there?"
He babbles on for a few minutes more about how radical the rips used to be back in the day when he could still surf before you get bored and sneak away. Okay, so "find me a shirt" isn’t quite the kind of quest you imagined you’d be doing when you started out as an adventurer, but hey, at least it’s a quest, right? You’d better get over to the White Cliffs and get started!
[Obscure] Spoiler: Solution of clue #1
Go to the White Cliffs